Monday, August 15, 2016

Suicide Squad .... facepalm

The posters should have told me what to expect.

Heavy sigh.

Suicide Squad.

Where to start?

Alright for the 7 people unaware of the idea of this film.

Suicide Squad is a movie about a group of DC lesser villains who are rounded up by the government to do black ops missions. They are controlled with a bomb in their neck so they "behave." This is thrown together by a secret agency, Argus, run by Amanda Waller.

Now there is an ancient being opens a portal thing in a city. The military can't stop it. So, send in some lesser villains to stop her.


I'll say this first. I wanted this movie to be good. I had what people call hope.


Well it looked like Dirty Dozen meets Escape From New York with a team of comic book bad guys. This sounded great on paper. Why wouldn't it? All that sounds awesome! Two movies that I love. A great concept.

How did they screw this up? 

Slipknot's face says all you need to know about this movie.

This butt gets more air time then members of the suicide squad.

Bad guys?
Well first the bad guys are just not that. Sure they are villains. However, they make them other too likeable or they made them no existent.

Deadshot, he just wants to be a good dad. We have to see how his is a nice guy who loves his daughter. Forget he kills people for money.

El Diablo. This guy burned his family alive on accident. We have to feel sorry for him because he made a mistake that ruined his life. Forget he was a murderous gang banger. 

Harley Quinn. We just can't hate her. Batman: The Animated Series introduced her and we all fell in love with her. He have to like her because we have been waiting for a big screen Harley since the 90's.

The Joker. This guy was basically just a glorified cameo. His role could have been cut and it would not have mattered to the story. He felt like he was there to sell tickets. 

Then there is Killer Croc, Captain Boomerang and Katana. They were in the film and basically did nothing but take up space in the film. 

They should only be likeable bad guys because they people that are after are worse than them. That is why the Dirty Dozen works. You root for the horrible bad guys because they are fighting Nazis. Everyone hates the Nazis. Here it just doesn't work with bad guys we feel sorry for.

Katana hates black berries!
The film was constant reminder of stuff we already knew, and it was annoying. We have to be told multiple times that they were bad guys.

We have to be told about Katana's sword stealing her husband's souls more than once.

We have to see how good Deadshot is at shooting targets after showing him being awesome at shooting people earlier.

We get intros to characters files and abilities to get pseudo-intros of them and their abilities again? Why?

Then there is the plot. Which felt like the first Avengers movie, but done worse. Evil bad guy not quite alien opening a portal over a city. Another portal over a city movie? Wow haven't we seen this trope enough.

Awful stuff for a big film. The raspberry headed bad guys are terrible looking. Incubus the second bad bad guy looked great for the 90's, but a 2016 movie he looked terrible. The green screen portal an Enchantress are awful looking. What the frak is going on with the computer stuff for this film?

I wanted to give him a chance. However, his look was just terrible. Seriously? A grill and stupid tattoos? Why do this? He seemed like an under/over sexed with an almost 20's sounding gangster vibe.

This was the point I completely tuned out with the Joker. Just so stupid. GODS THIS WAS AWFUL!

Bad pacing. Choppy presentation. Too many flashbacks. The plot is a mess. There are huge logic fails. The city action scenes were pretty dark, I guess to hide the shitty C.G.I. raspberry villains. The trailers had a ton of stuff that was not in the finished product. Why this squad was needed for this task was a head scratcher. They had nothing to deal with a long dead goddess entity person. Shouldn't this have been a Wonder Woman level threat? A spastic love story tacked on about Joker and Harley Quinn that wasn't needed. It wanted to dark and edgy and fun at the same time. It fails at both. A lame, useless and at times laughable villain (serious gyrating and arm twirling that was just so stupid) who basically hates cell phones? What was the point of Common in this film? Killer Croc was choc full of racial stereotypes that should offend the social justice people. The Hot Topic vomit party look of people was annoying. What was the deal with smeary eye black on Capt. Boomerang? 
Oh the needle drops! The introductions of characters had to come along with an appropriate song. Fun to some annoying to me. Would have been more dead horse beaten if Harley was introduced with "Crazy" by Patsy Cline. "Hey Man, Nice Shot." for Deadshot. "Ring of Fire" for El Diablo. You get the point. Ironic songs for characters are ironic. Ugh.

Gods there was just so much bad and annoying in here. I'm just done.

Leaked image of Batman in Suicide Squad
Batman in the Suicide Squad

Was anything good?

Well.....Viola Davis rocked as Amanda Waller. Probaby the best villain in the film.

Will Smith was good. Never thought he would do an  ensemble movie, but he did. He was Will Smith and he still does Will Smith stuff. 

Even though her ass in hot pants had more air time then Captain Boomerang and Killer Croc, Margot Robbie was alright as Harley Quinn.

The Deadshot shooty action scene that was spoiled in the trailers was a lot of fun gun porn. Should have held some of that back for the movie.

The end credit scene was fun. I really enjoyed that bit. Sad that a quick end credit scene was a stand out moment in a two hour comic book movie.

The Enchantress body swap scene in the Pentagon was just awesome! Yeah that is about it for stuff I liked.

I was really giving this movie a chance when I went in to it. Then this steaming pile was dropped in my lap. I should have known better. There is potential for a good movie here somewhere, but I have no idea where it is.

Now I go into the approaching Wonder Woman, which looks awesome in the trailer, expecting a flaming pile. That is what the DC movies have given me so far since Man o' Steel. 

The DC movie universe continues to be a mess and disappointment. Sure they make money, but that doesn't equate into a good film people. Think about it. A Michael Bay Transformers movie makes money and they are all just turd. So making money doesn't equate to good cinema. However, what do I know?

Well I know this movie was a waste of a great concept.

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