Friday, October 24, 2014

Halloween movie time! The Tall Man

The Tall Man Poster
Well the poster seems creepy.....

The Tall Man- First off this has nothing to do with Angus Scrimm, which would have made this a much better film.

Alright here we go. The Tall Man is a legend about a gut that steals kids. The town of Cold Rock has a child abduction problem. Well that is along with the town being a desolate dump where everyone is unemployed and poor. I guess a mine shut down or something. Anyway, the town nurse Julia lives with her baby sitter/maid and her son. Her husband is dead and was the town doctor. One night her son is nabbed by the Tall Man and Julia gives chase. After a rousing bit of highway chicanery the Tall Man gets away. She is saved by an F.B.I. agent and taken back to town. While recovering at the diner she discovers that….there is an altar to her son and other missing kids. Weird. She is the bolts to find the Tall Man and her son. After some shenanigans she finds her son and the Tall Man, who is not a man but…….wait…..a lady! A lady that is the mother of Julia’s son! Yeah I’m spoiling this film for anyone reading this, but it is for a good reason. See Julia is not the mother of her son. Julia, the maid/sitter and her not dead husband have been stealing the kids from town. Her husband faked his death to become the Tall Man. Julia scouts poor, troubled and down on their luck kids. Her husband then abducts them and gives them to well off and deserving families who want children. Julia of course gets caught and takes the fall for her husband. Meanwhile, he can go around and snatch kids to give away to other people. All this for the greater good? What the hell is happening here?

"Wait don't run! This gets movie better! Why are you still leaving? Come back!"

This movie was just a steaming pile of turd! Seriously I am supposed to care about who here? The kids? The poor drunk family they introduce? I’m supposed to cheer for the child snatchers? What the hell did I even just watch? I was expecting some creepy kid catcher who made them into lamps or something. Maybe something demonic or super evil that ate kids for power. I did not think it was going to be a super lame attempt at twisted social commentary about children and bad homes. Uggh!

The plot of the Phantasm movies make more sense than this film, and they have proper Tall Man too!

Watch this if… frak that! Never watch this! It is just a steaming pile of hot garbage. Why did this show up in the horror section on Netflix? There was nothing even remotely thrilling, scary or gross here.

Next on the list, a name I haven’t heard in a long time. A long time.


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