Thursday, October 9, 2014

Halloween movie time! Lords of Salem

Lords of Salem- Is a spooky tale about witch revenge. Well I think that is what I took away from this.

The film tells a story about a coven that is caught and torture killed by a witch hunter and his crew. Then jump ahead to modern times and Heidi, a radio DJ, is sent a box containing a record -- a "gift from the Lords."  What sounds like a really awful band is this chanting and sound played backwards I guess. Anyway, this record sound/noise triggers trippy dreams and violent flashbacks. These  are either about the violent past of the town or have Heidi seeing all sorts of nonsense. Add in a trio of ladies in her apartment who have little tea time gatherings and must be up to no good. Heidi seems to be being groomed for something greater as the movie goes along. There is a guy who studies the whole Salem witch trials and witch hunters who seems to be unraveling the nonsense around the Lords and their album of noise. Eventually the plan of  “The Lords”  and the trio of tea time women comes to fruition, I guess. Heidi transcends into some kind of Christ-like uber witch and a ton of the ladies in town go kill crazy and off others themselves or both.

The look , story and feel of this movie gave it a late 60’s to mid-70’s vibe. I think it really might have done better if it ran along with The Omen, The Dunwich Horror, The Wicker Man etc. There is not much in the way of spooky, gore or really fun here.  

Lords of Salem was just boring. It wasn’t creepy or remotely scary. The only bit of disturbing was a scene with a demon pope and his two priest-ish minions watching Heidi ascend (or descend) while stroking their demon wangs. Yup there is demon wang. There was nothing really remarkable or entertaining about this movie. A real shame from the guy that made the bonkers craziness that was House o' 1000 Corpses and is a horror aficionado. 
Watch this if you like the classic 60-70’s  demon, witch, possession and devil movies. If those are blah to you (like they are to me) then avoid this movie.

 Next I open the box and see if they are summoned. I’m watching Hellraiser: Inferno.

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