Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Gods of Egypt!

I make good on my earlier promise to go see this!

A quick preamble.

Have you ever enjoyed any film with the work of Ray Harryhausen? Are you a fan of cheesy adventure movies? At any time have you enjoyed watching: Krull, Beastmaster, a film with the word Tron in it, a Mummy movie with Brendan Frasier, Flash Gordon, Clash of the Titans (not the horrid remake the wonderful original), hoped the Neverending Story didn’t end, thought the third Jurassic park and the third Terminator films were fun, ever watched an episode of Stargate and liked it, thought an Underworld movie was fun, sat through Dragonheart just to see the dragon effects or stopped on any Sinbad (sailor not comedian- Necessary Roughness being the exception) movie?

If you answered yes to any of these then feel free to stay. The rest of you may leave.

Looks like there are three or four people left.

I’m about to speak about the best-worst or good-bad movie, The Gods of Egypt.

Holy cow where do I even start? The plot.

I'm Bek the main character. I might look and feel like Disney's Aladdin, but I am not him. Well I really am just him.

Alright we are introduced to an alternate Egypt where the gods live among mortals. It has been some time and Osiris is stepping down from the throne and giving it over to his son Horus. Well that tweaks off Set, Osiris’ brother who feels it is his time to rule. This leads to a confrontation, deaths, a blinding of Horus and Set becoming king with an iron fist. Humanity is enslaved and all is bleak. Well until this lowly human thief, Bek, decides he is going to set it all right by stealing Horus’s eyes and helping him reclaim the throne. Simple right? Well along the way his hotsie-totsie girl, Zaya, is killed and Bek now he has to save Egypt, help Horus and save his girl from the bad side of the afterlife. How? Well by going on an insane C.G.I. buddy road trip adventure with Horus through the lands of Egpyt that is how!

Gods of Egypt is bad. However, it falls into that delightful class of good/bad that makes it enjoyable.

Why Good?

Fire breathing giant snakes!

 Murder Is Legal and Torture Is Mandatory, Because Gods of Egypt Exists

Murder Is Legal and Torture Is Mandatory, Because Gods of Egypt Exists

Visuals are crazy awesome. There are fantastic looking fantasy locations.

Has an 80's buddy road movie feel to it and it makes it fun.

Lots of quips.

The gods are actually depicted as 10'-ish tall and towered over the puny mortals.

It reminded me of a D&D module come to life.

Courtney Eason's chest is amazing!


It is just a lot of bonkers action set pieces.

Scarab chariot.

Anubis was fun looking.

A Sand worm from Dune make an appearance.

New take on the classic Sphinx.

So much weirdness for the sake of weirdness.

Ra's travelling around the world fighting Apep was cool.

Murder Is Legal and Torture Is Mandatory, Because Gods of Egypt Exists

Why Bad?

Visual effects when they are not amazing they are bad.

Lots of  quips and some just awful dialogue too.

So much weirdness for the sake of weirdness.

Plot points that are brought up, go nowhere or we are just supposed to understand.

I'm the goddess of love, but work for the underworld was rescued can teleport via demon highway am afraid to go back to the underworld, but I make people love who can/can't be affected by me too. Confused about my character. You should and will be.

The gods transforming into animal transformers to fight. maybe a good idea, but  was really lacking on the screen.

More than meets the eye!

The real lack of emotion by the main character, Bek, when anything terrible happens. He is just so happy  and positive even after his love of a lifetime dies in his arms.

Set has an army that does nothing but march around in red armor. Why?

Every other mortal in the film is virtually not bothered by the insanity going on around them.

Where was Bast? No cat lady god? Why?

The movie has a hard time finding a tone it either wants to fun, bleak, thrilling, lighthearted or maybe dark for a while.

"This is Spart......Egypt!"

Gods of Egypt has enough balance between good stuff and bad stuff to fall right into the catergeory of the films I listed earlier. There was just enough to keep us both entertained for the two hours we were there. Plus it is two hours and runs fairly quick for that run time.

I guess what made it even better is that my lady really wanted to see it too. She is a lover of Clash of the Titans and this movie falls right in step with that film (once again the original not the horrible remake). Hell I was going to see this just to watch giant fire breathing snakes!

Not for everyone, but for those who enjoy schlock and awe then this movie is totally worth it!

Oh yeah that other bit.....

There were no Egyptians in Gods of Egypt.

Thank you Hollywood for having everyone now scream about casting in films. I get it there shouldn’t have been as many brits and honkies in this film. However, this is who was cast. We have no control over that process. Ghandi was British. There were no Greeks in 300, Troy or Alexander. An Aussie played a Roman in Gladiator. Johnny Depp was a Tonto. Fisher Stevens was not from India. Ertha Kitt was Catwoman. John Wayne wasn’t Mongolian. Liz Taylor was Cleopatra. Michael Clarke Duncan was Kingpin. Planets of the Apes had no apes. Nicolas Cage isn’t an actor and still gets acting roles. We get it. This is what Hollywood has been doing for decades. They cast who they think will sell the film. 

It looks to never change. It is what it is. Complain about it. Boycott it. Ignore it. Those are the options for movie goers.

Would it have been such a big issue if the whole Oscars being too white (again) wasn’t being bandied about this year? Maybe? Personally if this was an all Egyptian cast would people have cared? Is anyone going to see this movie based on Gerard Butler’s presence? Nope. Nicolaj Coaster-Waldau is such a huge cinema draw then right? Nope.

The only reason anyone is going to see this is for its sheer absurdity, not for the cast. The same absurdity is keeping people away, not the Caucasian cast.

Complain. Boycott. Ignore. These are the options in this scenario. Pick one and shut up about it. 

I have and am not speaking or caring about this again.

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