Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Batman vs.Superman Dawn of Justice review- it is rough

Alright Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I saw it. I expected a total train wreck. It wasn’t that, but it was a dumpster fire.

This is pretty much the sequel to Man of Steel with a lot of DC universe tacked onto it. Metropolis is ruined after Superman fights Zod. Bruce Wayne loses a building and people die. This gives him a mean-on for Superman. He is looking to knock him down a peg. Now throw in a pointless story for Lois Lane to chase. Then add Lex Luthor’s plans to make weapons from Kryptonite, a clone monster, domestic terrorism and Superman bashing. A glimpse into what the future Justice League will look like. Add a mix of dream sequences.  Next a run time that is at least a half hour too long. Then an endless final act action sequence that goes from damn descent to just end it already! This gives you the gist of what Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice is about.

This is not a good movie. It is what Zach Snyder wanted to make with a comic book movie. Is this his ideal Batman/Superman tale? If it is, then it is a comic book I would have never wanted to read.

Alright here I go.......

Why I hated this movie

There was a ton of drek dialogue. I know this is not some Oscar worthy drama, but there are a lot of abysmal lines in this film.

Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor was awful! When did Lex become a spastic coke’d out twenty something? Every scene he was in was just terrible! TERRIBLE! 

Why Jesse Eisenberg Will Steal Batman V Superman From The Heroes image

Luthor’s big plan was to what? Kill Batman? Kill Superman? Make a super clone monster? Sell weapons? Make weapons? Terrorism? Make holly Hunter drink pee-pee? All of the above?

Lex Luthor also names and creates the iconic symbols of the Justice League big names. What?

Actually the one plan Lex does have to make Supes and Bats fight looks and sounds like a scheme the Joker would use. Way too crazy for the Lex Luthor we all know and love. You know the good version that is not Jesse Eisenberg having a ADD fit.

Did anyone get excited with the brief and tiny glimpses of Flash, Cyborg and Aquaman? A total waste with what little they showed with the other members of the one day  Justice League. For as long as this was they could have given them more than 23 seconds of screen time.


Was the Flash Asian or Latino?

Slow motion bullet casings, falling in holes, pearls breaking and even larger shell casing; was all that necessary?

Speaking of necessary, why did we have to see Tom and Martha Wayne die yet again? Does anyone on the planet not know the origin of Batman yet? Seriously enough of this! Same with Superman. Stop the needless origin stories and flashbacks!

Wow! Another Congressional hearing in comic book movie! Enough of those already too!

Silas Stone, Cyborgs dad, really loves to drink some Dr. Pepper while messing with his torso son. I get product placement, but damn this was just stupid to have Dr. Pepper in every shot with him and his not robot son. A minor bitch I know, but irritating product placement is irritating.

Visually way too dark. Sooooo dark.

The plot is a mess! It starts just to stop and switch to a dream or non sequitur. Then it starts and slams into another useless excursion or empty sub-plot to start again to lead to another dream or sub-plot or red herring to then start again to lead to something else before getting to the point of a big fight that everyone was hoping to see almost an hour earlier.

When Superman is supposed to be a positive influence, the consummate Boy Scout, the be all end all of good guys, why was he so dark? Emotionally and visually? There was no real difference between broody Superman and broody Clark Kent. Why was Superman so damn broody anyway? Having broody Batman/Bruce Wayne was enough, but Superman/Clark Kent doing the same is awful.

Henry Cavil looks the part of Superman, but he sure as shit can’t pull off dopey yet likeable Clark Kent.

Hey Mercy! Lex's bad ass assistant......and there she goes another waste.

The Lois Lane story arc was useless and went nowhere. Was I supposed to care about anything she was doing? Did anybody care about what she was doing?

When did Batman begin to love guns so much? Isn’t his raison d'etre that guns are bad?

Even better when did Batman begin killing criminals? It has happened accidentally before, but here it seems brazen. Well there was the Frank Miller Dark Knight Returns where he shoots a guy, but  that is an exception not the rule.

When did Batman start branding criminals too? That seems a bit sadistic. Plus it is eluded to as a death sentence in prison for some reason. Thus leading to Batman basically getting anyone he throws in prison killed. He is setting guys up for prison executions? Yet again killing more people. Why Batman? Why?

Just when we get to the big showdown Superman reveals that he knows who Batman is. What? He just figured it out thanks to a few seconds at a party I guess? Yet Batman didn’t figure out everything there was to know about Superman/Clark Kent way earlier in the film. You know using his next level deduction skills.

Why can’t we get a Batman that is able to solve crimes with his brain and not his fists? He is a top-notch detective, but the movies all seem to forget that.

The big showdown stops why? The appearance of Doomsday? Nope. It was mommy issues between the two guys.

Doomsday looked like a Lord o’ the Rings troll.

Damn this movie is long. Like end of Return of the King needless long.

When and why did Metropolis start looking like Gotham?

I like grim and gritty, but not in a Batman/Superman film and not the entire film they star.

There was very little fun in this movie. There were only a couple moments of levity here and one we had already seen in the trailers. Infuse a little light hearted. Maybe a couple comedy hits. They can be dry or dark humor, but stll something besides brooding and gloom the entire time. Damn!

This was not a fun 3 hour (with trailers) tour!

Is there anything I enjoyed?

Alfred. I liked him. He was more of a grizzled quartermaster instead of a dottering butler. That was  enjoyable.

Affleck as Batman worked. His older wanna be Frank Miller Batman was way better than I expected. I was expecteing Daredevil level bad Affleck. I was surprised. his throwdown in the warehouse was pretty crazy and was actually cool. Well until he killed a due or two.

The fight between Bats and Supes was alright. It felt epic at times and stupid at others (A machine gun salvo at Superman? Really?). It kind of makes it a push, but that makes it a positive in this situation.

Wonder Woman. I also expected a bunch of poo and was surprised when she threw down vs. Doomsday troll.  It was great to see the big three JLA members side by side ready to kick ass.

Well then Batman has a grenade launcher and it pulled me out of the awesome. Still Wonder Woman surprised me with her at the end. The Diana Prince stuff was turd, but once in armor she was pretty cool.

Yeah three bits of this long ass gloomy movie.

If this is the foundation of the DC cinema universe I want no part of anything else with the Justice League. If Affleck does a stand alone Batman I'll give that a shot. I will probably have to take the girl to Wonder Woman, but that will be it.

Even as a  Marvel comic guy, I still like me a good Batman story and the Justice League cartoons were stellar. This was just a long ass disappointment on so many levels.

If you want to see Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice and like either character, then I would stay far away. 

If you want a good Batman/ Superman movie watch this!

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