Last scary, but not intentional, movie of the season

Where this is supposed to be scary it fails miserably and on more than just the scary. I have my final scary, but not intentional, movie of the Halloween season. 

I forced myself to watch World War Z. I knew I shouldn’t have and I knew with what I was getting involved. I went in knowing this was Brad Pitt zombie apocalypse movie, not the same named book that I enjoyed immensely. This is film where the title is the same as the book, and that is where the similarities end.

Here we have Brad Pitt and his family who are smack in the middle of a global ending event where humans become infested and bitey. It is up to Brad Pitt to ditch the wife and kids so he can figure out what is making people fast and bitey. Then he has to find how to stop it. That is the film’s premise in three sentences.

Ok…….deep breath………

This movie is freakishly bad! A two hour nightmare of bad story, elements, and effects. I have no idea why people think this is a good film. The scariest part of the movie for me is that it made as much money as it did. World War Z is a scary, but not intentionally (even though it is supposed to be), scary film.

First thing right out of the gate, what the hell are they doing calling this a zombie movie?! I’m a purest, and zombies are slow,shambling and in some sort of decay. Here we get cracked out super fast and quasi-super human “zombies.” They are not undead, but they are infected with something that causes loss of humanity, gives then super human powers and makes them look angry ugly. These things move faster and can leap farther than any living creature on the planet. Well, unless they are closing in on a main character, then they tend to lose a step or get a case of the fall downs for some reason. Their main goal is to jump at and run to bite people. They bite their victim and they jump or sprint away. What? Yeah these infected people run or launch themselves at normal humans to bite them. Then they just fire off in another direction. We never see them eat anyone or do anything other than bite and go. What is the rationale there? 

Then there is the fact that they have an animal like intelligence for survival, yet they throw themselves off buildings just trying to get a nibble at someone. They will smash in a door or window to try and bite a person. They might destroy their head in the process, but that makes no difference. They have a survival instinct, but then they build a tower of their own bodies to climb a wall. A living tower that has hundreds of bodies falling down to the ground below to be broken or maimed. What? Then there is the big secret twist! Since this is still new, I’ll not spoil it. However, it is just as silly and contradictory as the rest of the stuff that surrounds these “zombies.”

The story is drek as well. See this outbreak occurs and Brad Pitt and family are in the run. Along the way he discovers that being bitten is bad. That only seconds after a bite you turn into a speedy nibbling freak. However, he learns that infected blood in your face hole doesn’t hurt you. What? It is a virus that is only spread via teeth, saliva bad breath or taste buds I guess. A big bit of movie badness right there.

Eventually, the family is rescued. Brad Pitt takes the job to discover where this started and how to fight it. See he is this special guy. He once did stuff for the U.N. so that makes him super special. It also makes him the most qualified. Why? I have no idea, but there is a shadow of a dangerous past and all that overused drek. Another bit of awful story as to why he should go, but whatever I’m too far in to stop watching now.

Then the world traveling begins with trips to Africa, the Middle East, the British isles and all ports between. Here we get information like the “zombies” are attracted to noise. Although, it is noise that only matters at that moment in the story. An example is Jerusalem is safe behind a giant wall. There are people coming into the city, planes leaving, military helicopters buzzing around, yelling and crying and all other manner of noise. There are also no fast infected humans around either for some reason. However, once some joyous singing begins, then the biters come a sprinting! See only then does it matter that they are attracted to noise, not before then. Hey who would notice that though? I guess only me and a few others.

Eventually, Brad Pitt discovers the secret to fighting the “zombies.”  

Ah screw it I’m going for it…..don’t look if you are part of the SPOILER ALERT! crowd. I have to cover this next bit of scary badness.

You see, the infected humans only attack people that are healthy. If you are ill, like badly ill. Then they will leave you alone. You basically become invisible to them. What? I guess the virus/ infection only allows for the biting of health individuals. If you are riddled with cancer they’ll go away. They equate it to wild animals not eating sick or diseased animals. Well to be honest, these ‘zombies” don’t eat anyone anyway so why does it matter?  Brad Pitt shoots himself up with some Typhus or Dum Dum Fever and within a short time can stroll by the infected sprinter biters like he isn’t even there. What the hell is that? The cure is to make yourself sick and then just walk away? You have to be in a state of perpetual deathly illness to survive? Well that or just shoot some plague into your arm, wait twenty minutes and stroll away. That is just abysmal stuff. Tie that in with the running, jumping and launching of the “zombies” at prey and it makes no sense. I guess they can sense illness for far away or something. This is apparent through the movie as they run past people, like the scene with the bald kid from the preview. Way to let that huge plot point out months before the actual movie.

The special effects are appalling. The “zombies” are all CGI and it is just terrible. They are animated to be super fast, but it comes off so bad. The missile launching humans also looks incredibly stupid. Then there is the herd movement that looks more like the Keystone Cops quickly exiting a car than a herd of monsters on the move. They crash into obstacles like waves and not people. It looks so terrible. There is no sense of fear from watching the “zombies” chase people.

I’m ranting on a bit and have gone long. I’ll wrap this up. World War Z is bad. It is beyond scary bad. Even worse is the amount of people who like this stinker. There are just too many bits of awful in this movie. I was able to go in knowing this was not about the book. That did not help one bit. This is an attempt at a scary zombie movie that comes off with a story and effects that are scary bad on a dreadful level.