Monday, October 26, 2015

Halloween reboot #7 A Nightmare on Elm Street

Alright. Here I go with the reboot of A Nightmare on Elm Street.


A Nightmare on Elm Street is….seriously do I have to go into what this is about? Well then ok. Freddy Krueger is a child killer. The  local parents seek some justice so they burn him alive. Freddy returns to get revenge on said parents by killing their kids in their dreams.

A new horror icon is born. He is always waiting for you when you fall asleep. He can’t be physically harmed. You can’t run from him. A villain that  you can never escape. Holy cow that was mind blowing creepy when I originally saw it! How in the world would they, or could they improve on the original story of Freddy Krueger?

Well they couldn’t and didn’t.

Here comes the bad CGI rehash of a great original scene!

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

The overall premise of the 2010 reboot is very similar and still different, but in a bad way. Here Freddy Kruger is similar as he still kills teens in their dreams for revenge and sport. His back story is altered a bit.

First let me cover the biggest difference, Freddy Krueger. Here he is played by a much shorter actor, Jackie Earl Haile. That is the first huge mistake. Having your villain shorter in stature than all his victims is absurd! How imposing can he really be when his standing at an imposing 5’ and change? Not at all? Then add in a voice that is a mash up of sore throat and Christian Bale Batman. What the hell was that about? There is nothing frightening about dialogue coming from a guy that sounds like he needs a lozenge. Then there is his make-up. Man this is a damn mess! The attempt at realistic burn victim is a cool idea, but just looks terrible. Well it looks terrible when you can actually see it. .There is a lot of dark in this movie and that might be a reason, to help cover this crappy “realistic” make-up. It also allows for zero facial expression. Then there is the lack of any personality. The new Freddy has none. He was given a lot to say, but it came out either monotone or in shouting monotone.  His dialogue is also just contrived drek.

A short dude with a sore throat ,”real” skin burns, no facial expression and no emotion is just not scary. It is just boring and sad.

Get used to a lot of this vacant staring when stuff is being talked about in this movie.

Now the victims are all once again teens that are too old to be in high school. You know that old shtick. If there is any commonality between all these reboots it is that the teens and twenty-somethings in these films are abysmal. They are in this film as well. There is no friendship between these people. They know each other, but never look, act or feel like friends. Even better is the ridiculous amount of apathy they have toward everything. A person they know dies, and they don’t care. They are being targeted by a crazy dream killer and they don’t seem to care. They might die in their sleep and they just don’t seem to care. Sure the original film wasn’t Oscar level acting, but at last there was fear being portrayed. Hell there isn’t even any real personality between these characters. They are just so wooden and  indifferent.  It made not caring about them so easy, since they didn’t care themselves. Another reboot where you are not sure if you want the horrible/boring characters  to survive or to have them offed by the horrible/boring villain.

The hat and sweater just has me begging for you to die.

Gods what steaming pile!

The you have the always popular add more and tell us everything bit that is a staple in these reboots.  Now instead of a child killer, which is awful, Freddy is pedophile and works at a day care. What? He is a grounds keeper who touches the kids at the facility. Wait he also slices then up along with bad touching? What the hell? Even better is that this is discovered by flashbacks, research and a bit Scooby Doo’ing. They go so far as to make it look like Freddy was innocent of touching kids, but was burned anyway ( …and shown in a full flashback scene where the tears his flaming coat off like Superman and shows the ever popular red/green striped sweater). Yeah there is a bit where they make you feel like Freddy was wrongfully accused. An attempt at a twist, but then they dismiss all that and make you see he is  a creep who touches kids. I guess a child killer was too dark and so they went the child molester route instead. Why? Who knows, but they tried to change it up for the sake of change.

Its a bird! Its a plane! Its Super-Fredddy?

There is no atmosphere in this film.

The haunting music from the original is gone.

The death scenes are just reboots from the original. They can’t even come up with fun/interesting ways to kill people.

A lot of the dream sequences  take place in a boiler room. Why? Shouldn’t they take place in a day care where Freddy worked?

Too much this and jarring noise equals scary I guess?

There is no seamless transition from dream to reality. You know exactly when you are watching a dream and when you are not.

Micro naps?! Yes a plot device that causes one to dream while awake. An attempt to make it extreme by having Freddy able to get people while they are wide awake and dreaming at the same time. Seriously? This is the dumbest plot device since midi-chlorians.
The attempts at fright revolve around a jarring noise and  jump scare. If someone jumping out and screaming BOO! Frightens you then prepare to have your pants full of pee during this film. If you find that annoying and lame, like I do, then prepare to be irritated every time Freddy does his bit.

Screw this movie!

This is another, in a chain of remakes, where nothing new is brought to the series. A great concept and fantastic villain wasted by the lousy people over at Platinum Dunes.

Can't beat the original. No matter what!

Well it all comes down to the final film of the season. The movie that got this slasher craze off the ground. A personal and household favorite. The reboot of the one and only best fall holiday ever… Halloween.

This is gonna hurt. I know it!

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