Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Schlock and awe movie time. The last of 2014.

Brothers and sisters it is a doozy! 

Phantasm movie poster (1979) poster MOV_56410cf4

Phantasm II is a favorite of mine. It makes little to no sense, but it a damn fun time to watch. However, I have never seen the original Phantasm and there is no better time than now to give it a viewing. If anything it should help Phantasm II make more sense. Right?

phantasm still 5
There is this...

Mike and Jody are brothers whose parents have passed. They both seem to enjoy a car and have buddy named Reggie. Mike is constantly following Jody like some creeper. Reggie hangs out when he isn’t selling ice cream. Yeah it is a boring as it sounds. That is until Mike sees the creepy mortician doing stuff in the graveyard and starts spying on him too.
...and a lot of this.

This leads Mike to discover creepy dwarves that chase him and seem to work for the mortician, or Tall Man. Mike tries to convince Jody that there is something amiss with these hooded short people and this Tall Man. They investigate and holy crap do they find stuff! There is a white room full of barrels and a portal to some red dimension. There is also a silver sphere that flies around to kill people by jamming into their head and draining all the blood in a most awesome way! Jody, Mike and Reggie are targets of the Tall Man and his tiny minions. They have to stop him from doing whatever it is that he is doing. The guys devise a plan, that is pretty stupid, to stop this guy and bring his “plan” to an end.

Not nearly enough of this!

Holy crap does this move make no damn sense! I really thought that the Phantasm II was next level bonkers with its story. I was wrong. Phantasm has an idea of a story;  three guys do stuff and there is a creepy tall guy doing creepy stuff. That is really all I took from this movie. I never would have thought that the beginning bits of Phantasm II would make more sense than the entire Phantasm film. Remember too that Phantasm II makes literally no sense either. Sheesh!

<em>Hell of a zit you got there.</em>
Could have used a lot more of this!

I was hopeful there would be some explanations and answers in this movie, but there was none. I was hoping to enjoy it since it has a “cult” status. I did not. Phantasm is a mess. A slow and pretty boring mess. It does have a great villain, but without some explanation or motivation it is a creepy guy for the sake of being creepy. Pass on this movie and give the second a view if you are looking for some just crazy sauce horror.
There are two more Phantasm movies. Maybe they make sense and explain what the hell I have watched. I guess I should go watch them and then everything should make sense. Right? There is no way this crazy nonsense story can keep going without some explanations. Right?

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