Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The netflix commands it!

Netflix streaming grabs me again! This time I am tempted by a horror movie, the much ballyhooed Texas Chainsaw.



I am a fan of the original due to the completely psychotic nature of it. The crazy house is crazy. The family living in said house is even crazier. Then there are the horrible acts done to those pesky meddling kids. Finally, there is the ever lovable and misunderstood Leatherface. A monster man without equal.



Now I suffered through the re-make (which is unwatchable) and the follow-up prequel (which isn’t terrible in comparison) so I figured why not watch this too? It has been a while since I’ve seen anything horror related and Netflix has this at just the push of a button. Of course I follow where my dark mistress leads me, and that is to watching Texas Chainsaw.

The film opens with a montage of events from the original film. Well that is a nice surprise, which leads to the film opening on the Leatherface abode. The sheriff has come stop all the crazy in the house. However, a lynch-type mob arrives with some vigilante justice on their mind. This leads to an altercation and the Leatherface family is killed, burned and has their ashes pee’d upon. Well of course a baby girl escapes with her mother, only to have the mom killed and the baby girl raised by members of the lynch mob.

Jump to the present and said little girl, now Heather Miller, has grown. Then a letter arrives telling of a grandmother dying and she is to inherit a house and money. This leads to a road trip to the estate and an associated party. Nothing could go wrong with this scenario now could it.

Then the twist…..see Leatherface didn’t die, he survived and is of course living in the basement of dead grandma’s house. See grandma was related to the Leatherface family and has been caring for him all these years. What a shock! Anyway, he gets out and the leather aprons, human flesh masks and chainsaw mayhem begins! Well that was my hope. Instead I was treated to a smattering of bad C.G.I. blood  and a few lame chase sequences.

Even worse is how this goes from a typical horror movie to twisted family  reunion. Heather saves Leatherface and he of course knows that she is a cousin, sister, aunt or whatever.  Then we all cheer as the Leatherface family gets revenge on the still remaining members of the lynch mob.

It really is crap!

Of course I didn’t expect this to be good, but it would have been nice to be surprised. The film has a fun start, but after ten minutes it really goes to shite. The attempt to spin this as Leatherface good, town folk bad was lame. Then you add the family first bit and it just gets worse.

The part that saddens me the most is the lack of practical effects. Instead of simple props and blood there is a ton of computer stuff and it is bad. CGI blood and guts that look as bad as SyFy original effects. Come on folks can we not make good old fashioned special effects anymore? Does it have to be all digital now? If that is the case, then don’t skimp. Spend the extra to make it look good. That or just do it like they always have, food coloring and karyo syrup.

Another failed Hollywood attempt at the Leatherface legacy.

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