Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Halloween movie time! The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II

The Texas Chaisaw Massacre II- This is a coming of age love story about a young brute named Bubba, or Leatherface, and his first awkward attempt at love.

[ TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 POSTER ]
Props to having a poster that mimics the Breakfast Club!



Ever since I saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre it has held a special and creepy place in my heart. That movie is just so creepy, scary, wyrd and great on so many levels. I never went near the sequels (but I had the misfortune of seeing a reboot and prequel). Now I have mustered the stupid courage to sit through the first sequel to the original film.

This movie is garbage! Hot and wet garbage! What the frak did I just watch?

Dennis Hopper (yeah Dennis Hopper is in this) is aformer sheriff on the look-out for the people that killed his niece and nephew. These were two of the kids in the first film. He recruits a DJ called Stretch to play a tape of a recent drive by chainsawing incident. This is to lure out the killers. Of course this does and her comes Leatherface and his buddy …..Chop Top (his name in the credits and one of the most annoying characters ever on screen) to capture, torture and kill this girl. Instead Leatherface falls in love with her? She is nabbed and taken to an underground tunnel system below some kind of closed battlefield amusement park place. Now she has to survive this crazy cannibal family, hope Dennis Hopper can rescue her, not become food, not get sexually assaulted by a chainsaw, survive the endless chainsaw gyrating dance that Leatherface does or worse not become the girl who helps Leatherface lose his virginity.

Oh boy………

This is how Leatherface flirts?





There is an attempt at humor throughout this film, and it fails. It fails horribly! There really is no gore, save for a few body bits, a little blood and a removed face. The horror aspect is weak as it just involves the girl screaming while cornered or screaming while running from Leatherface. The whole Leatherface is confused and likes the girl is abysmal. The original Bride of Frankenstein worked and looked better than this. The whole cannibal aspect is thrown in and around a ton, but we knew that already. The sets were a mess and not remotely creepy like the original film. Hell they even try to recreate the dinner scene with grandpa crazy and his attempt to crack open Stretch’s skull with a hammer. What the hell is happening here?

Wait! I forgot the epic climax between Leatheface and Denis Hopper. They have a chainsaw battle for the ages! Well not really it is a lot of swinging revving chainsaws and smashing them together. This is the start of the climactic end that is anything but that and just as disappointing as the rest of the film.

Did you lose a bet? Why are you in this Dennis Hopper?

This is one of the worst movies I have ever watched. It makes me sad that this is where they took this after the first film. There is nothing good here. Nothing. I almost turned this off because of how incredibly terrible this film is. Even worse is that Tobe Hooper, the guy who gave us the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Lifeforce and Poltergeist directed this. Why? How? Did he lose a bet? Did he sustain a head injury?


 Stay away from this movie! It is horrendously bad!

Keeping on the 80’s shlock and awe horror theme, is a personal favorite, “Night of the Creeps.”







2 comments:

  1. The community service that you're offering by taking one for the team shan't be undervalued! Keep up the good work. I'll happily send you some Dettol and a wire brush to scrub your eyes once you make it through the schlock-fest!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanx man! I look forward to a healthy eye scrub come Nov 1.

    ReplyDelete